The Girl with the Outside Food
MY LATEST CRUSH I’ve been talking about being lazy and bloated for a long time. I think I bottomed out. Lately when people invite me somewhere, anywhere, I ask “ How close can I get to lying down once...
View ArticleRelationship Drop
Like any upstanding member of the female gender, I can be hypersensitive at times. Sometimes these ‘times” have a continuous and indefinite duration. Lately I’ve been persistently susceptible to...
View Article$28 Worth of Hope
I performed recently at the Comedy Vault (www.dickdoherty.com) in Boston and I stayed with my mother in Quincy, MA. I grew up in Milton one town over so it was pretty much like going home. Milton is a...
View ArticleDirection Jeopardy
Everybody in New York is going somewhere in a hurry and they all think their destination is far superior to anybody within their line of vision. People are actively avoiding eye contact with everybody...
View ArticleDrunken thespians
There are a lot of emotional reactions to hurricane forecasts. My mother loves this stuff. People overreacting in a frenzy? She wants to watch! People underpreparing? She wants to hear how bad they are...
View ArticleThe Inquisitive Acquaintance
People don’t realize how protective comics are of their comedy. Sometimes it takes a simple inquiry to make me feel taunted, especially when it’s an insincere exploration into the validity, success, or...
View ArticleForest Find
Last week my sister Kristen drove me up to Boston for Thanksgiving, me and Butchie, the dog. I brought my king size pillow with the satin pillowcase for the ride, Butchie’s pillow was bigger. About 4...
View ArticleLadies Who Lunch (alone)
I like to go out to lunch alone. It’s always a crapshoot on how a solitary guest is treated by the service staff. Sometimes they try to bully you into eating fast, or sitting at a shitty table, or...
View ArticleTaunting the Stranglers
Somebody recently asked me that age old question “Do you think you’re afraid of success?” I wish I was afraid of success. That would be a normal fear. I’m afraid to wear a scarf. I wear a scarf and I...
View ArticleYesteryear Protection
I have been applying for conventional jobs. Jobs that have a set schedule and a designated desk where people come to talk to you about deadlines, going out for drinks, or, hopefully, some fucked up but...
View ArticleAyudame
Someone recently told me I need to work smarter. No elaboration just a matter of fact statement. Please, Judger of Work Intelligence, show me the way. Don’t make my life a fable: “the girl who learned...
View ArticleSelf Taunt
You don't have to be preggers to wear mumus I’ve been mean to myself lately. If I was going out with me, I’d break up with me right about now. I’m trying to get back into the self help scene. I used to...
View Articlebellyaches > colds
I’ve had a cold for almost two weeks. The worst part about having a cold is everybody knows just by talking to you, that you have a cold. I deal with the public a lot so I have been bombarded with “you...
View ArticleLove Meddler
I recently had a friend of a friend hound me to set her up with one of my guy friends. One of my favorite guy friends. Finally she said to me “give me your number, I’ll text you pictures of me” an...
View ArticleCatatonic Coping
My sister got the seven year itch, from me. We have been roommates for seven years and she’s packing up her things and taking the show on the road. Moving to Portland Maine. Someplace unaccessable by...
View ArticleWeepy Werewolf
I’m not much of a crier. People learn that about me over time and think I’m tough. Or less feminine. Or heartless. The point is there are a lot of labels put on girls who don’t cry much, labels which...
View Articlepictures from the dating world
I have a friend who is online dating. No, it’s not me claiming it’s a friend, it is really a friend. I am the anti dater. I don’t like dating. The last thing I want to do with my free time is go meet a...
View ArticleTuxedo shirts and tulips
Tuxedo shirts and tulips It takes so long to get to know people. Lately I’ve been trying to script a few key questions that I consider deal breakers, in other words, qualifying questions I used to ask...
View ArticleUnexpected Superlatives
I’ve been doing a lot of work on goal setting and expectations. I’ve come to realize my expectations from men are far from reality based. For one thing, I still operate under the belief system that at...
View ArticleCriminal shit
I can’t get into bird chirping. I know people who are like “It was so nice. I woke up to birds chirping” First of all, there is nothing nice about waking up. You know why? Waking up puts you that much...
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